Donna sits in her therapist’s office week after week sharing her concerns about Brad her husband of 7 years. He is loud, irresponsible, messy, selfish, rigid, unaffectionate, and condescending. All very valid claims. She is at her wits end with him. Each session as she talks about his latest failings (and reminds the therapist about his previous ones); she becomes angrier with him, with God, more miserable, frustrated and hopeless. She blames herself for not consulting the Lord about her decision to marry Brad, and now strongly feels that this marriage had not been God’s will and that she is living out the consequences of her bad decision. This coupled with the fact that the Bible talks about Christians having to carry their cross, makes her feel like she will have to suffer in this difficult relationship for the rest of her life. Donna is trapped. Or at least she thinks she is. But is she really? Is she a hopeless victim of circumstance? And where is God in this? Is He at work, or is He asleep?
Our answer to these questions will depend on our theology, our belief about who God is and how He works. James 1: 1-4 “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not deficient in any way.”
Friends, not only does God adore us (I think He sealed the deal when Jesus died on the cross for us), but He is also sovereign. And what does that mean? It means that nothing in life, nothing at all happens without His allowing it. Remember how Satan had to ask God permission before inflicting Job? And because He is so sovereign, He can use people and situations in our lives for good. As Romans 8: 28 says, “For we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him.” All things, not some things. Even Donna’s challenging husband? Yes! If it were true that difficult people and circumstances are the cause of our emotional problems, then there would be no hope for freedom unless others or our circumstances change. God’s goal for the challenges in our lives is not just for us to get through them (everyone eventually does) but rather for us to benefit from them by being transformed/refined. If we don’t see God’s hand in our challenges, then our only hope is to be rescued, or find a way out or avoid them. If we stop seeing ourselves as victims of circumstance, but instead as beneficiaries of refinement and of transformation, then we can join in on the rich opportunity God places right in front of us, in our most intimate relationship, to see Him work and to experience Him in a life-changing way. Seriously, who would not want to capitalize on a free opportunity to be changed for the better – to become more loving, more peaceful, more joyful, more hopeful, more patient, more giving…allowing the Lord to change us and using our spouse as the tool.
Disclaimer – if you are a victim of abuse, God does not condone abuse. Please make sure that you seek Godly counsel for how to deal with this specific issue.
So sit back for the next few blogs and let us explore together how God can use our spouses, especially the ones we think are challenging for our good, if we let Him.
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