The third horseman in our marriage killer series is defensiveness. What does this look like? It looks like me protecting myself AGAINST my spouse. It looks like me in battle mode ready to defend myself against the enemy and his name is Steve. Can you see me dressed up in my armor parading around the living room, wielding my shield in his direction. Silly, huh? But sadly that’s what it’s like. Defensiveness is divisive and does nothing to build healthy communication or intimacy. It shows up as each person trying to get their side across, defending themselves and justifying why they are right. The end-goal is to win the battle, but what happens is that the war is lost…or the partner is lost, or the marriage is lost..........